I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
