I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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