Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
