stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
