theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Pooping to opera.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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