It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
