just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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