Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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