i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you never un-have a 4some
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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