I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
