based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
