I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
