haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
