She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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