I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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