i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
