This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I use my feet as sexual weapons
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
