i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
