Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
