wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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