I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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