talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
