I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
