i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
