sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
