I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
