Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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