is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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