I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
