dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
