I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
