oh god the rape fog is back!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
