Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
