sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
