Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
handjob tips. give me some.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
either way he was missing a nipple.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
