Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
