He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
