He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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