What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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