remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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