Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
