When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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