"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
