so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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