hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
