When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
