No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sacagawea was the original milf.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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