I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
