You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
