u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
